May 17, 2023

Relationships for Wellbeing

Building Healthy Relationships
According to Psychologist and Relationship Specialist, Dr. Sheehan Fisher relationships are critically important to healthy living. Whether the relationship is strictly friendship, family, or romantic in nature, it is necessary for our emotional and physical wellbeing. Stress levels decline when there are people to whom we can confide, lend, and receive support. When it comes to friendships, it’s the quality that matters not the quantity. We can benefit from having one or two people in our lives whom we trust and “who really get us” vs. having loads of so-called friends who don’t support us and are likely to stab us in the back.
In the 70s, the O’Jays had a song called the Back Stabbers. Some of the lyrics go like this:
They smile in your face
All the time, they want to take your place - The back stabbers
Blades are long, clenched tight in their fist
Aimin' straight at your back
And I don't think they'll miss – The back stabbers.
These aren’t the people we want in our intimate circles.
Dr. Fisher says, “A positive relationship can be shared between any two people who support, encourage and help each other practically as well as emotionally.” If the people in our lives are NOT fulfilling this role, they may be considered toxic! A toxic relationship as defined by VerywellMind.com as one that “harms you emotionally, physically or psychologically.” Here are some behaviors characterized in toxic relationships: Blaming, lack of support, disrespect, hostility, gaslighting or manipulating, jealousy, competitiveness, controlling, dishonesty, poor communication, and being inconsiderate.
Proverbs 18:24a states, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly…” Friendship is built on openness, trust, and respect. And to properly grow it must be rooted and cultivated in God’s Love. The New International Version reads, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin...”
Since we need to be a friend in order to have friends, let’s take the time to review some things required in friendship:
Communicate openly and honestly – This involves active listening. A true friend is not a “yes” person. A true friend is supportive while helping the other one see the truth and work towards correcting flaws or mistakes. In communicating, we may want to understand the other person’s point of view. Remember it should be a give and take with no one monopolizing the conversation. Active listening is key and may help us come to a mutual understanding. When we listen without preparing our rebuttals or responses, we are more likely to truly hear the heart of the person. We MUST Listen for understanding!
Show mutual respect. Jesus gave us the Golden Rule which says do unto others as you would have them do unto you. When we demonstrate mutual respect we not only acknowledge; we also value the feelings and opinions of others. When others see that we are working towards a common outcome, they are more receptive to hear our view and perhaps willingly compromise. When we give respect, we can expect respect in return.
Be supportive and encouraging. The better we know each other, the more likely we are to understand each other’s motives. Spending quality time together makes it easier to receive helpful suggestions, constructive advice and pearls of wisdom when looking out for the other person’s best interests.
Show appreciation and gratitude. Although there are numerous ways, words are so powerful and straightforward in showing gratitude to those in our lives. A positive word goes a long way! According to the John Templeton Foundation in their “Expanding Gratitude Project”, gratitude “increases positive emotions, reduces the risk of depression, and heightens relationships…” No matter how small, we can begin by deliberately recognizing something good in our friends. This practice doesn’t mean we ignore negative behaviors; however, when complicated issues arise, it’s more palatable receiving correction when preceded with positive accolades.
Be willing to apologize. We’re not always right. It’s more profitable to be righteous! Righteousness is through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. For the fruit of the Spirit consists in all goodness righteousness and truth (Ephesians 5:9). Christianity.com defines righteousness as “the quality of being right in the eyes of God, including character, attitude, conduct, and word.” It is based on how God views our deeds (Isaiah 33:22). God instructed us “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). Apologizing is not a sign of weakness. Indeed, it’s a sign of STRENGTH! So, let’s humble ourselves and allow God to work through us.
In conclusion, it’s my prayer that we all have at least 1 person we can call friend; however, if this isn’t our current situation, we can pray that God will send the right connection so that we are not walking alone. As followers of the Gospel, rest assured that Jesus is a true Friend who will stick closer than any brother. He will never leave nor forsake us. And His unconditional Love is immeasurable!

Northwestern Medicine.com
Leatha Foreman 5/17/23 #834